Chapter Titles

[00:00:00] Teaser

[00:00:24] Intro

[00:01:03] Start of Episode

[00:03:20] Going Back to Work After Chemo

[00:04:06] Relationship Changes After Cancer Diagnosis

[00:25:49] When You Feel Like Just Giving Up

[00:34:44] Pulling the Cancer Card

[00:40:40] Cancer-versary

[00:44:08] Hair Loss and Regrowth 

[00:53:14] Living a Double Life

[01:00:14] 2021 Accomplishments

[01:03:46] Looking to the Future: 2022

[01:07:46] Outro

[01:09:09] End

[00:00:00] Teaser

[00:00:00] Rosalina: I kind of just need to start finding her again, learning to love myself. And just seeing my hair grow, that’s what I’m looking forward to as well. But how about you, Shauna? 

[00:00:13] Shauna: I want actually the most uneventful year of my life, right? Yes, 

[00:00:18] Rosalina: I remember you. 

[00:00:19] Shauna: So I don’t want any surprises. 

[00:00:24] Intro

[00:00:24] Shauna: Hi everyone. Welcome to season two. This is Shauna. 

[00:00:28] Rosalina: And this is Rosalina. And we’re your hosts for Too Young for this Shit podcast. This podcast is not just about boobs, but a journey with cancer. We are young millennials open about giving you our raw and unfiltered look into our lives. We are in no way medical professionals, nor are we offering medical advice. Any medical references are cited directly from public websites or from our personal diagnosis. Some topics and stories may be triggering to those who are fighting, have fought or have loved someone with cancer. 

[00:01:03] Start of Episode

[00:01:03] Rosalina: Hello. Hello. This is season 

[00:01:07] Shauna: two. We’re back and we are so 

[00:01:11] Rosalina: excited. Yes, we’re so, so excited. Can’t believe that we’re doing this for like another season and. We’ve learned so much from season one so much. Yeah. We’ve learned so much. I didn’t think I looked that bad during chemo and I definitely looked that bad during chemo, watching those videos for our video clips, that was a little rough for me. We’re showing what it’s really like, you know, keeping it real to be honest. 

[00:01:41] Shauna: Oh, a hundred percent. I mean that was, that was as real as it got for me. I mean, I guess I’m grateful that I wasn’t so self-conscious going through it after looking at all of the videos for doing our Instagram and the video clips, and I’m glad I didn’t feel self-conscious then, but I feel more self-conscious now after watching the videos than I did while recording the video, so I’ve learned so much. I, I’ve learned so much since from season one. 

[00:02:08] Rosalina: Right. I think when we started recording this, we didn’t really think about how we look. It was more of just, it was a healthy outlet for us to just tell our stories and that’s all we were thinking about. We weren’t really thinking about like how we actually look.

[00:02:25] Shauna: Right. The social media aspect of it was not on our minds when we were recording. No, exactly. Uh, yeah. So, you know, we are finished with active treatment, so 

[00:02:37] Rosalina: how are you feeling? Yes. So I finished treatment in November, mid-November. I think it was like November 16th or 19th of 2021. So we are recording this mid-January. So it was just two months now. From Yeah, just about, yeah, from finishing. I feel great. The part that I just wanted to focus on was just finishing. I just wanted to finish so I can finally live my life and continue on what I wanted to accomplish when I turned 28 last year. 

[00:03:20] Going Back to Work After Chemo

[00:03:20] Rosalina: So how are you feeling? I 

[00:03:21] Shauna: am feeling better every day. I had a really rough go during radiation. I finished radiation the last day of November of 2021, so basically about a month and a half ago you’ll hear about my rough time with that. My rough go with radiation on our radiation episode this season, but I feel stronger every day. I’m back at work. I’m killing it at work. Not to toot my own horn, but every day is just getting back on my feet and kind of living my new normal. I hate that expression, but it is, it’s a new normal. 

[00:03:58] Rosalina: Yeah. I love that you said that you’re, you know, going back to work and you’re doing great. I also feel that way too. 

[00:04:05] Shauna: Well, you started 

[00:04:05] Rosalina: a new job too.

[00:04:06] Relationship Changes After Cancer Diagnosis

[00:04:06] Rosalina: Yes, I started a new job in October of 2021. We just wanted to kind of reflect on 2021 and just touch upon key moments that happened in our life during the past year. You know, looking back, Shauna, when you’ve been diagnosed and, and all of that, and you know, that was a really hard time for you. Were there any important relationships that improved for you?

[00:04:36] Shauna: Definitely my relationship with my partner Matt. He was my rock. I mean, he was there for. The hardest moments, like the ugliest moment. He was my nurse, he was my caregiver. He was at times like my emotional support person basically. And we not only had to navigate my cancer diagnosis and my treatment, but we both had some major milestones that we have both accomplished this year. Uh, he had moved back to New York and he got a new job in New York and we got a new apartment at the end of 2021. So we were busy and navigating all of this and doing it together. Yeah, I, I could not have asked for a better partner. And I think that this has made us so strong. 

[00:05:32] Rosalina: Matt should receive a gold medal. Yeah. Honestly, I could create it if you want me to, but I literally 

[00:05:40] Shauna: would. Yeah. He deserves a gold medal, A purple heart. Yeah. Um, I mean about any, any type of medal that has ever been given to anybody. He deserves it all. He was my nurse too. I mean, he stripped my drains during my mastectomy recovery. You know, like that is hard. He was your caregiver. Yeah. For, I mean, for everything. Yeah. And that relationship, it couldn’t be any stronger. And I am so grateful for that. We’ve been together a long time. We hit a few very, very rough patches. We did spend some time apart and this was, this made us so much, so much more closer. That’s as bad as, yeah. I mean, like the way to sum that up, my sister and my brother, I think that relationship really, I mean, we were always, even my little brother as well, I have a younger brother that is eight years younger than I am, and. It’s hard because of that age gap between me and my sister and my older little brother. Yeah. We’re so close in age that he almost is like a little bit separate from the three of us. What’s 

[00:06:38] Rosalina: the age difference between all of your siblings? 

[00:06:41] Shauna: So me and my sister are 16 months apart. Me and my brother Lenny are three years apart. Mm-hmm. Okay. And then me and my younger brother Charlie are eight years apart. Okay. So between my two brothers, there’s five year age gap and that’s, yeah, that’s a lot. You know, we were all in school together at the same time. My little brother. Wasn’t, we’re just thick as these, you know, the three of us. Mm-hmm. But my little brother Charlie too. It, it’s kind of, he’s constantly calling and checking. He was checking in on me and, you know, he had a lot going on in his personal life as well. And my relationship with my siblings are just so solid, tight. I can count on them for anything I, I c I could before, but I always feel like even after this experience, I think they felt like they had to a little walk on eggshells around me because they didn’t wanna put their, their personal stuff on me.You know? And yeah, that part changed. They think, they felt they could not come to me and have me be there for them because they needed to be there for me. They thought, I think that was the only real significant change in that was just I wasn’t playing the mother that I always was. Mm-hmm. You know, we don’t have a relationship with our mom. And I have played that mom role for my siblings. Yeah. I mean, kind of my entire life really. Yeah. That was the only thing that really changed in that. And then my friends, like the solid group of friends that I surrounded myself throughout this was, I mean, they’ll be my friends till the day that I die.

[00:08:10] Shauna: Mm-hmm. They were, mm-hmm. I mean, unbelievable. And don’t get me wrong, like I had, I had like a lo like a childhood friend that I have been friends with since I was five who never even reached out and said, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Not once has reached out to me through this entire 

[00:08:27] Rosalina: experience.You mentioned that, um, she wasn’t a good friend. She wasn’t a 

[00:08:32] Shauna: good friend. I look at it now and it was a friend that we had been friends since we were young, that I think that that was the only thing that kind of kept us friends. I mean, I was in her wedding, I went to her baby shower. I mean, this is all within the last couple of years. I went to her father’s wake, her grandfather’s week. Right. To not even get 

[00:08:53] Rosalina: a text. So you were there for her? Oh yeah. I, 

[00:08:56] Shauna: I was there for every major event that has happened in her life, probably since we were five. I was upset, but I wasn’t shocked. I can really close the door on that friendship and move on with my life and I don’t really miss it. So I guess that that was kind of also a positive. Then what about your relationships changed? 

[00:09:15] Rosalina: Yeah, I would say I, same thing with you. I feel that my relationship with Brian, my boyfriend has tremendously grew so much and we’ve gotten. So close. I mean, we’ve gotten super close when the pandemic happened in 2020, but with this diagnosis and how I saw that he stepped up and was there for me and made sure that he was at all my appointments. And that’s something that you unfortunately don’t see in a lot of partners. So I am so grateful. And Brian also should receive a gold medal. We were living in Seattle at the time that I was diagnosed, and our plan was to move to la and then he was asking me, you know, do you want to move to la? Are you thinking about staying in Seattle?

[00:10:15] Rosalina: And that was like a really important moment in the sense that he was thinking about me and he was thinking about what. I think would be best for myself and I thought that was super cool, um, that he was able to not be selfish. We actually moved to LA because I wanted like a fresh new start. Even though I was still diagnosed with breast cancer, I just needed to escape Seattle. So it was nice for us to, Move in together was our first time moving in together, our first apartment, you know, living with our dog, Louis. So that’s been a very positive change in our relationship. 

[00:11:03] Shauna: You guys just celebrated? Yes. Three years. I didn’t, I thought for some reason you guys were together for so much longer. It feels so 

[00:11:09] Rosalina: long. The other day he mentioned, it doesn’t feel like it’s been three years because it just feels so right to. 

[00:11:18] Shauna: Right. It was, it’s been be together. It’s been easy. Even though everything’s been hard, it’s easy to be together also. That’s like two. Yes, yes. Two thirds of your relationship has been like in like covid times.

[00:11:29] Rosalina: Yes, I know. It’s crazy 

[00:11:32] Shauna: actually. And then one third of that has been through a cancer diagnosis. I mean, I think if you guys can survive that, you’re golden. 

[00:11:40] Rosalina: Yes, I think so. I think so. Yeah. We’re in a good spot. I’d say my relationships with my brothers, I have two older brothers. The oldest is 34, his name is George, and then the middle child is Roberto Gars, and he’s 30. And so I’m the youngest. And the relationship has changed in the sense that like, I mean, you know, ever since I was young, They’ve always been there for me, but during my diagnosis they stepped up and made sure to call me or to text me, just asking me how I was feeling. The relationship just improved in the sense that like when I am at my lowest, I know that I can count on my brothers to be there.

[00:12:29] Rosalina: If I am on my deathbed, I can count on my brothers to be right there by my side. That just gave me a realization that I will also do that for them too. It goes both ways, and I think that’s the most beautiful thing when you have brothers or your sisters that could be there for you and you feel the same way, like, I have your back. That’s 

[00:13:00] Shauna: no matter what social security is just so. There’s nothing better. Yes, I agree. 

[00:13:04] Rosalina: Yeah. I kind of teared up a little bit what 

[00:13:07] Shauna: you said that I know I, their rider dies. I mean, and not just cuz they’re family. Yes. But like, like my brother would take a fricking bullet from me. My sister is probably my biggest protector. She’s our biggest protector when it comes to us. Yeah. And I always have to remind my, my brother Lenny, about that she is who she is, but she, we are her people and she takes care of us. It hits different and it’s not even just cuz I have friends that would do that for me too. But it’s your siblings, it’s your family, it’s your blood. Yeah. Yeah. It, it does hit a little different. It 

[00:13:36] Rosalina: does with them does. Yeah.

[00:13:38] Strong and Stoic or Open and Vulnerable

[00:13:38] Rosalina: I would also say that when we were younger and um, it’s just the way that we’ve grown up, we wouldn’t really show our vulnerable side. You know, just in the Hispanic culture is just known to be strong and not to show you’re weak. Side, and that’s how we’ve always grown up as and with my diagnosis and just with Covid in general. I think it also improved our relationship to be vulnerable to each other. And I think very important because we don’t always have to show our strong side. We can just wave our white flag and say, I am not doing well, or just showing that you don’t always have it together is just important to show that to each other. And I think with my diagnosis, that was like a clear path. Now 

[00:14:45] Shauna: everybody got to be vulnerable in a household that you couldn’t show weakness in, in that is, that’s a, that’s a sense of growth. Yes. In a, in a way it is. I think. Like it allowed everyone to open up. 

[00:15:00] Rosalina: Yes, absolutely. 

[00:15:01] Shauna: Yeah. Yep. I had an opposite upbringing. I, I grew up in a very, very dysfunctional house and with a lot of childhood trauma that I am unpacking in therapy, we’re gonna do an episode with our siblings and, and you’ll hear, you know, kind of how we grew up in our coping mechanism growing up. And my sister and my brother were my people. We went through that together.

[00:15:24] Shauna: We share, and I, it’s not trauma bonding, I don’t wanna use that, but they were with me. They knew what happened. They knew everything that was going on with us growing up, and we really relied on each other. And I think that that’s why we are so connected. I’ve been able to be vulnerable with my siblings. And in this situation at an early age, yeah. At a very, very early age. Yep. But I always had to be the strong one because I was the oldest. And in this situation I felt exactly the same. I felt like I had to be strong, even though we’ve been vulnerable with each other our whole lives. I had to be strong because I didn’t want them to be scared.

[00:16:01] Shauna: Yes. I did not want them to think that if I’m scared and I’m worried that they’re going to be worried. Uh, kind of a little bit of an opposite situation from, from your brothers, like your brothers opened up and got to show their vulnerable side as to where mm-hmm. I, for my siblings, had to put on a really fucking strong, brave face that everything was gonna be okay. Yeah. Yeah. I had to do that for my dad too. I, I had just realized, I never mentioned my, the relationship with my dad, like, and my stepmom, my dad had mentally a very, very difficult time dealing with my diagnosis. And he has a lot of health issues separately, and he didn’t bother me with like any of his stuff.

[00:16:45] Shauna: I’m grateful for it because I don’t know if I could have put his health issues on my plate along with my health issues, with the state of my mental health during my treatments and diagnosis and everything that came with it. And I’m sad. I’m so sad that he suffered probably more than I suffered mentally. And I, I’m like really worried about him because he’s still, now that I’m out and granted I’ve had. A breakdown since finishing treatment of just trying to get back on my feet and still trying to feel better, better and not put too much on my plate, even though I had so much on my plate getting back to my life.

[00:17:29] Shauna: And, you know, he’s not sharing things with me that I feel like he should be sharing and mm-hmm. That relationship not has changed, but he’s walking on eggshells around me, not to worry me or cause me pain, and I’m trying to stay strong to not cause him any pain. So we’re now in this vicious cycle of trying to be strong for each other and, and both of us just, you know, being heartbroken for each other, I guess. In, in different, yes. Different ways. And how’s with that, with your parents? 

[00:17:59] Rosalina: Me and my mom. We are opposites. My mom is such an emotional person. 

[00:18:07] Shauna: Were you afraid to tell your mom things growing up then? Yep. My mom was a reactor too, and I found it was just better not to say things because she would fucking lose her mind. Yes, exactly. 

[00:18:18] Rosalina: That is my mother. And so, you know, obviously I had to tell her once I got diagnosed with cancer, but within those moments she was really there for me, which obviously I knew she would be, but she would always text me. She was call me. She worries a lot. So I also have childhood trauma, um, which mm-hmm.

[00:18:43] Rosalina: Which I’m also working on as well. I feel like who doesn’t? I know, I would say in the beginning of my diagnosis and when I was going through treatment, That relationship has improved because I no longer ha had that pressure of trying to be perfect. It’s a lot of pressure. Yes, it is a lot of pressure. Agree. My father is not, uh, an emotional, vulnerable person. You know, obviously he was there for me, he would call me sometimes, but it’s really my, my mother who took it a step further and would text me and call mom all the 

[00:19:21] Shauna: time. Your so, yeah. Your mom suffered out loud while your dad suffered inside dealing with your diagnosis?

[00:19:26] Rosalina: Yes. Okay. Exactly. You talked about, you know, did you have support from your friends and family? You said that you had support from your friends, um, and then you didn’t have support from one of your childhood friends that you knew since you were five. I don’t know if you wanted to add anything else to 

[00:19:44] Shauna: that.I can add that I’m, my mom sent a card, I wanna say, oh, February of 2021 after I was diagnosed. Oh, okay. And. That sent me into a tailspin of rage. I didn’t want her to know my address at the time for my own reasons. She’s just not a safe person to me. So that really, really upset me. And then the actual card, it was like the most generic, 

[00:20:12] Rosalina: I was just gonna say generic.

[00:20:13] Shauna: Yep. Still narcissistic in my mom’s signature tone. And I returned to sender. I, I didn’t allow my mom to be a part of my journey. I guess my mom would’ve made it about her. She can’t contact me cuz she’s blocked on everything. But I didn’t allow her to, and I am so grateful I didn’t. Kudos to you. 

[00:20:36] Rosalina: Yeah. Yeah. You had trauma because of her. And why bring it back exactly to your like darkest moments, like when she wasn’t even there for you In the beginning 

[00:20:50] Shauna: it would’ve been me consoling her. It would’ve been, my daughter has cancer, not Shauna. You have cancer. Yeah. You’re dealing with this, you know, I, I got enough going on and I can’t regulate. Mm-hmm. Her, like, I can’t regulate. Mm-hmm. What goes on in that storm of, of her. Mm-hmm. Like, I just can’t. So it was a solid choice on my part, and I have no regrets. And yeah, I’m, yeah, I’m at like, such a peace with it. I’m fine with it 

[00:21:15] Rosalina: when it comes to my cousins. So on my mom’s side, we have a cousin’s group chat. And when I was diagnosed, I didn’t tell people right away. I kind of kept it to myself until I had a clear mindset of what my pathology report says, everything that was going on with my tumor, with my lymph nodes. And once I scheduled out my surgery, That’s when I told my cousins that I was diagnosed mm-hmm. With cancer. 

[00:21:56] Shauna: You wanted to give them the full plan before, because that would’ve been a million. Yeah, I 

[00:22:00] Rosalina: did. Right? Yes. They were very supportive. Of course. I mean, you know, you know, when you say something like that, like you will receive tons of texts, um, just saying like, you’re strong. You, you do this. Um, I’m so sorry to hear that. Whatever. Like, all that. Another thing that I was like a little sad about and what I kind of saw and realized Brian’s parents sent me a care package when I was going to do chemo. When I completed my surgery. Brian’s aunt who lives in LA sent me an edible en arrangement just, you know, with fruits and chocolate.

[00:22:49] Rosalina: I never received any of that from my cousins. Mm-hmm. And when Brian’s parents and aunt did that, it was more of like, I’m thinking about you. Right. And I wish that they would’ve done the same thing, even if it’s like, I don’t know, just like something stupid, like maybe like a teddy bear card or something like, yeah. Or card. Yes. I felt like they weren’t really there for me in that sense within my whole entire family. My extended family, like all of them, they don’t show weakness and they don’t really lend a hands either, unless you specifically have to like ask them to. And that’s where I felt that they weren’t really there for me.

[00:23:40] Rosalina: In that sense, that’s how the family, same thing, like with the, my closest female cousins, you know, they would check up on me and all that, but with my male cousins, especially when I visited them in Vegas, and it wasn’t like, you know, we were at a club or anything, it was more of like, we had lunch together and not once did they mention like, Hey, Rosalina, I heard what happened. How are you doing? Like, just that phrase like, how are you 

[00:24:12] Shauna: doing? Simple. It’s like a, it’s a simple, small thing to ask somebody, but it means it’s so meaningful, especially when you’re going through the most horrific time of your life. 

[00:24:23] Rosalina: It means so much to me, especially now when someone asks me that question that is such an important question to ask, and I didn’t get that from them. It was kind of like heartbroken. Yeah. I’m not gonna lie. I love them dearly and you know, I felt like I would bend over backwards for them, but I just didn’t get that response from them. That’s tough too 

[00:24:47] Shauna: because you know when somebody dies and somebody comes to you and will say, well they lived a long life, you know, they were old. They give you every cliche thing to say and yeah, it’s almost, you just wish they never said it. I don’t know if, I would rather just pretend like a, not be asked the question or even have them ask the question. And say something dumb to where it pisses me off. I always have to think of that. Like maybe that person truly did not know what to say and didn’t wanna say something wrong and hurt you, sparing you with a cliche nest so it didn’t upset you.

[00:25:26] Rosalina: I’ve thought about that as well. Like I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I’m like, your fucking sister knows and your mom knows. How do you not know? Like, you know, everyone in the family knows. Right? And at that 

[00:25:41] Shauna: point you had finished chemo and was about to start radiation and I don’t know.

[00:25:46] Rosalina: No, we just talked about. Our relationships.

[00:25:49] When You Feel Like Just Giving Up

[00:25:49] Rosalina: But now Shauna, I wanna know about your breast cancer journey and the moments that you felt like giving up. Obviously there’s a lot of them, but maybe if you could just name a few that just pops up in your head. Yes. 

[00:26:07] Shauna: I think that the beginning of my diagnosis, I was, you know, we had discussed this in season one. I was in such like a mode of like, let’s get this fucking shit done. That I didn’t have like a real breakdown. I had like a minor one before my surgery, but I think that was more nerves. But I think it was my fourth chemo meltdown that I was done. I, I, I mean, I was emotionally Well 

[00:26:36] Rosalina: ay was, ay was really hard on you. 

[00:26:38] Shauna: Really hard. Yeah, I was miserable also still being in that mindset of wanting to check boxes off. That was my fourth chemo out of 16. I had a whole long way to go. I wanted to be done. I went in there like the morning, I used to see my oncologist the mornings before my AC infusions, and I said to her, I, I don’t wanna do this.

[00:27:00] Shauna: I’m done. Like, I, I wanted to give up, I wanted to stop chemo. I wanted to not feel like shit. I wanted to be able to enjoy the rest of my summer. I wanted this to be done. And that meltdown was pretty, was a, was a rough one. I cried through a lot of my infusions. I had a lot of hard times during that. Not where I wanted to give up, but just like really sad. I was over it. I was overdoing it, you know, by the time I was on tax, I was over going every week. I was more annoyed every time I 

[00:27:29] Rosalina: had to, well, well also, like you had to wear that cold cap every week. I don’t know how you did that. That was, that’s insane. Because it’s just, it’s just so cold and so uncomfortable. And then you also like was nauseous from the smell of the 

[00:27:45] Shauna: cold cap. Gosh, yeah. It added so much extra time. Had I not cold capped, I mean, I, I would’ve been in and out of there in two hours as to where, yeah, during ac that was, it added three extra hours to my infusion times. Taxis was less. I was in and out of there pretty quickly. You know, I had a pretty large breakdown during radiation, which we’ll, you’ll hear about on, um, a radiation episode. But that one was probably worse than my oncology. Like my oncology meltdown, my radiology oncologist meltdown was pretty epic. I had said during that meltdown, like, what am I fighting for? What am I fighting for? I feel terrible. What am I fighting for? I, I’m in bone pain, I’m in fatigue. Like the amount of fatigue that I was in, like, what the fuck am I doing this for? I am miserable. And I 

[00:28:40] Rosalina: think that is so valid and very strong of you to even say that because I think some people are just afraid to mention that to their oncologist. I would say, I know I am. And for you to say that, that is so valid, like what are we trying to fight for? Yeah. They’re gonna tell you so you don’t die like obviously, but you are at the lowest point of your life that you’re like, if I die, then what? Like, that’s it. 

[00:29:15] Shauna: Yeah. And, and what type of quality of life is this and what type of quality of life is this where I literally almost wish mm-hmm. That I was dead because mm-hmm. It might be better than this. That’s an also the guilt kicks in. The guilt of, I’m lucky I’m at this point. I should feel lucky I’m at this point. Do you know what I’m saying? Like I should feel lucky that I am at the stage that I am in cuz some women never make it here. And that guilt, like a survivor’s guilt they call it, is very, very real.

[00:29:46] Shauna: And you know, to already feel like I’m done, I wanna give up, I don’t wanna do this anymore. And then let’s add that guilt on top. Like the cherry on top of already feeling like shit throws me that makes the melt, that makes the meltdown so much worse. That makes those moments of wanting to give up. Exactly. Even worse, those I think were the most times where I felt like, you know, I think I’m done. I think I’ve hit my threshold of what I can handle and what I can’t handle. What about you? When did you feel that? So I 

[00:30:14] Rosalina: have a list. Um, obviously everyone can agree when you got the call. That you were diagnosed with breast cancer. So that’s one of the moments where I felt like giving up. I lived in a studio apartment and I had this like long path from, you know, when you enter to the kitchen and then when you go into my bedroom slash living room slash office, and I would just be pacing up and down in that entrance and I would be on the ground rocking back and forth hysterically crying, because that moment I was like, fuck, I am dying.

[00:30:55] Rosalina: I just felt like giving up. I can’t believe this is my life. So that was one. The second is when I received the second reading of my M R I, and that’s when the doctor called me on a Friday night and told me that I had lymph nodes involved. When initially in the first reading they said it was clear. So that was another moment where I’m just like, What now?

[00:31:23] Rosalina: It’s in my lymph nodes, like where else can it be? I’m just gonna go down the line. My second biopsy of my lymph node. When I met with my medical oncologist in Seattle, I mentioned this in one of the episodes in season one, where I felt like medical oncologists really was trying to make me feel bad and really wanted me to cry. I just felt very uncomfortable and that moment I just felt like giving up. I wanna be positive here. And you’re not making it positive. 

[00:31:54] Shauna: No. You’re making that bor like borderline dramatic. Dramatic. More dramatic than I already am. Yes. Yeah. When 

[00:32:00] Rosalina: I found out I had to do hormonal therapy for five years, again, I was very new to all the information about breast cancer. I didn’t know. After having surgery, chemo, radiation, I had to take medication four or five plus years. I had a huge breakdown, uh, multiple times. Fertility when I had to do the shots. It was, uh, very time consuming and just kind of took over my life when I was doing chemo and I lost a lot of hair on day 18. That was a very, very hard moment for me. When I did my fifth infusion, I felt like giving up and then I didn’t, I didn’t wanna do my last one. That’s when I went to my boyfriend Brian. It was like, Why even do the sixth one? What’s the point? And radiation. I felt like my life was just a marathon. There was one thing after the other, after the other and I didn’t feel like I had a break. So I was very burnt out when I was doing radiation and especially during the weeks when my burns just became so bad and raw. I felt like giving up right then and there. So, um, yeah, tho those were the moments. 

[00:33:21] Shauna: Yeah, I mean, struggle to think of all the moments that are to come when it comes to fertility, you know, like having to possibly find a surrogate, having to come up with that money, that having deceive I V F work. I know that’s gonna be a meltdown. I know that there’s gonna be a lot of stress when it comes to that. Every scan that I’m gonna have, probably for the rest of my life, I’m gonna have those stressed out moments. Having to take the hormonal medicine every year, I, I, I just, this does not end. Mm-hmm. Survivorship is not gonna be a fucking walk in the park. This is the thing, it’s nobody in our breast cancer community is telling us that this is a walk in the park, but everyone on the outside of this situation just thinks, oh, she gets to go Levon, you know, move on and live her 

[00:34:12] Rosalina: life. I, that is so important to mention because that is so honestly true, and you’ve like received that information and I also received that information from people or like what they. Assumed that our life would be like 

[00:34:30] Shauna: after. Well, now it’s just everyone’s like, and now you get your new boobs. And I’m like, do you know the steps I have to do before then to even get those new boobs? Like pump the brakes? Yeah. We’re not getting excited 

[00:34:41] Rosalina: yet. No, no

[00:34:44] Pulling the Cancer Card

[00:34:44] Rosalina: . Now talking about moments that you had to pull the cancer card, and I just wanna mention this to everyone who is listening, you are going through a traumatic period of your life and don’t feel guilty when you have to pull that cancer card. There are moments where when you’re trying to get an appointment, like. They don’t understand the reason why you’re trying to get an appointment sooner rather than later, or you can’t do something or you don’t wanna go out. Trust me, like, don’t feel guilty when you have to pull that cancer card. But Shauna go right into it. Did you have to pull, 

[00:35:27] Shauna: I think in order to get a therapist, I had to pull the cancer card. Okay. It’s covid times. A lot of people are seeking mental health help. Um, and when I had called to try to get that ball rolling, um, they said there was about a, there was a wait list, so I, I did drop the, well, I have breast cancer and I, I kind of actually really need to cut that line. You know, there, it’s funny because, I mean, anytime I didn’t wanna do anything. People just knew my situation, so nobody gave me a hard time about it. Mm-hmm. So I guess I was like kind of pulling the cancer card without actually having to say I have breast cancer. Mm-hmm. Nobody gave me a fucking hard time, which was actually really nice. Nice. That’s, that was a really nice, like nobody made me feel guilty about not going somewhere or made me feel like I was a bad friend if I didn’t show up. My friends, my family did too. They pulled the cancer cord more than I did. Matt did it once to get us to, I forget where we were, we were outside and it was hot.

[00:36:33] Shauna: I mean, I did chemo in the summer and because of cold capping, you have to keep your scalp as cool as possible. And I had a hat on and I remember being, starting to freak out, being like, I am very hot and I don’t want to lose any more hair. And Matt had gone up to somebody, whether it was a bouncer or something, and basically had said like, She’s doing chemo. Can we get her out of the sun? Like just stand inside And they, they sat us immediately. Oh my God. That’s fucking, 

[00:37:00] Rosalina: that’s so nice. 

[00:37:01] Shauna: Wow. Yeah. I had mentioned in season one, I had friends that, you know, use my situations to get outta of things. And my sister did it a few times, you know, to get outta work. Yeah. And like, but did actually come to see me, but really kind of played the, my sister has cancer. Mm-hmm. So I have to get off work so I can’t go see her. And she didn’t get, it was, wasn’t given a hard time, you know. What about, I mean, I 

[00:37:23] Rosalina: mentioned this, I know you did it for fertility. Fertility. Yes. I had to do it and I’m so glad that I pulled it because the next day they were able to fit me in and so that was really nice. My boyfriend Brian also pulled the cancer card. It was for like the dumbest thing. So we were in Washington, DC and we were visiting our friends and I brought Louie with me to the apartment complex and. You know, our friends said that we can bring our dog, but there was a receptionist at the front that basically said that, oh, you can’t bring your dog inside unless it’s like an emotional support dog. And then Brian was like, it is, he has cancer. So it is an emotional support dog. And so the guy, he felt bad, oh, that person has cancer. People automatically be like, oh, okay. So. 

[00:38:18] Shauna: But also we had hair. Yeah, 

[00:38:20] Rosalina: right. Yeah. We weren’t, we were bald. 

[00:38:22] Shauna: That’s like, it wasn’t, it wasn’t like somebody could look at us and be like, oh, 

[00:38:26] Rosalina: they’re sick. No, no. When I went back to New Jersey for Christmas, Christmas Eve is such a big holiday for my culture and like Christmas Eve, you wanna dress really well. Jeans is not acceptable. You have to wear a dress and heels and you know, all those things. 

[00:38:47] Shauna: Christmas Eve is your Christmas, like you guys don’t do anything on Christmas day? No, no. I had no idea. I actually only learned that this like this. Yeah. Year. And it might have been for, been from you or It might have been from Instagram, to be completely honest with you. Mm-hmm. But I had no idea. Yes. Christmas is like a weak experience for white people and it’s just like, it’s annoying.

[00:39:08] Shauna: Never ends. My 

[00:39:10] Rosalina: mom was asking me like, oh, what are you wearing? You need to dress really pretty, blah. And then I. Went to her and I was like, listen, I had breast cancer. I went through the darkest moments of my life and I’ve just been out of treatment a few weeks ago. Calm down. I’m gonna dress how I want to, and that’s it. My clothes 

[00:39:35] Shauna: don’t fit me anymore. The, the clothes I had before are this, like being on the hormone shop, not that I’ve gained, like I haven’t gained a ton of weight, but I, my body is different now and my chest is different. Trying to find things that I feel comfortable in and then, not to mention, let’s say having covid where nobody dressed like normal people for two years. Basically, I don’t feel comfortable getting an address. Mm-hmm. I’m going to a wedding next month and I’m. Scared to be in a dress. I don’t know what the status of my chest is gonna look like after getting fills, and I don’t know what’s gonna fit or how it’s gonna look. And it’s just, it’s just not a great feeling to feel so self-conscious after this. Yeah, exactly. And that’s a part that people just don’t understand either. After treatment is when you start trying to be as normal as possible. But then again, it takes time. It’s different for everyone. It may take some people a month, it might pa take people three months, six months, a year. It’s a lot.

[00:40:40] Cancer-versary

[00:40:40] Rosalina: Shauna, you celebrated your cancer anniversary? I 

[00:40:45] Shauna: did. I celebrated it. What was that last week? Um, so my situation’s a little weird because when I went for my mammogram and sonogram, the doctor that came in basically told me that it was cancer. So I was very, very, very, very up, very upset when I got in the car and basically the day that I was told that I have cancer, I went for a biopsy on January 11th, two thou 2021, and then January 14th was the day they called me with my final results that I actually had breast cancer. So I kinda have two cancer bursaries. Mm-hmm. 

[00:41:25] Rosalina: In a weird way, I don’t know, like you create your own holidays, you know? 

[00:41:30] Shauna: Exactly. Yeah. So I mean, I think I’m just gonna always just forever remember those dates for probably as long as I live. I didn’t realize it until, yeah, you texted me. 

[00:41:41] Rosalina: I 

[00:41:42] Shauna: was like, oh shit. Today’s my cancer anniversary. Yeah. I text, yeah, we were texting and I was really kinda mad at Matt too. I mean, not that he needs to know the date, but I follow the cancer patient and they do cakes for cancer bursaries. And I wanted a thanks for not dying cakes so badly. Matt did not get me one and I was Yeah, yeah. Upset about it or Ashley upset about it. And your birthday is next week and this is second, a new year for you too, cuz you were diagnosed what, a month after your birthday, so your cancer is next month. I 

[00:42:16] Rosalina: feel happy and then sad at the same time. Happy, of course, because I’m turning another age and this is a new year and I’ve always been optimistic about wanting to grow and wanting to just live life and keep learning and, and all of that. But the other side of me is like, shit. Last year when I turned 28, I was this, again, this positive person that said, yes, this is a new year there. So many amazing things are going to happen this year. And then all of a sudden I got hit by a bus. With this diagnosis. Seriously? 

[00:43:03] Shauna: Yeah. January 5th for me, I didn’t wanna make it a week. Kids 2021 before my life was a 

[00:43:08] Rosalina: ruin. Yes. I feel like we, we can relate to that. Definitely. Yeah, definitely. Actually, what Brian did mention is that it’s your birthday, it’s your time to celebrate. Yes. Your cancer diagnosis happened like a month after, but just take it one step at a time. This is the time for you to celebrate. I think I needed to hear that. I am excited for my birthday. 

[00:43:30] Shauna: What are we doing? What are you gonna be doing? 

[00:43:32] Rosalina: I created a tradition birthday shoots at home, you know, with. It’s the stuff that I have. And I bought some balloons and happy birthday banner at Target last year was the first time I did that and I loved it. Ah, 

[00:43:45] Shauna: I loved those pictures too. Yeah. 

[00:43:48] Rosalina: I loved how it came out and I always look back at those pictures cuz I was just like, damn. It’s nice to look back and say, wow. Trying to become more confident in myself. And sometimes you just need to take those pictures and sometimes you just need to celebrate yourself. That’s a day for you to celebrate a special day. 

[00:44:07] Shauna: I love that. 

[00:44:08] Hair Loss and Regrowth 

[00:44:08] Shauna: Talk about our hair. Okay. I think that we both lost a significant amount. I think like from my pictures, I lost a little bit less than you did, but my hair is growing back like crazy. Mm-hmm. That my hair’s never grown fast like this. So the fact that I have about two and a half inches almost close to three inches of hair is just insane 

[00:44:32] Rosalina: to me. That is so awesome. Oh my gosh. 

[00:44:36] Shauna: I don’t know what to do with it, but it’s happening and I’m just, I’m vibing, vibing out. Yes. I do feel like I have this like eighties, like female rocker mullet, what is it called? Mullet thing going on right now. Mm-hmm. But it, it’s a phase and we’ll get there. And I was able to get hair extensions in December. Three, three months post-chemo. Yeah. Let’s talk 

[00:44:59] Rosalina: about that. Like what type of exceptions did you get that was safe for your hair? 

[00:45:03] Shauna: My old roommate is a hairdresser, colorist, um, very talented, very, um, just amazing at what she does. So she did the keratin bonds for me. I have very fine hair to begin with. I’ve wanted to do the, the weft. The wet hair with the links, and I think I might try to do it next now that I have like a little bit more hair that it’s grown in. So yeah, I mean they look really natural. Mm-hmm. My color matched perfect. Um, I was finally able to dye my roots. I had some like serious, serious gray hair as you can see on the pictures that I posted on Instagram for our chemo and cold capping episode.

[00:45:43] Shauna: I stopped shedding, you know, two weeks I think before chemo. Tael was very, very good to me in my hair, so I didn’t lose mm-hmm. Much after, probably a couple weeks after my last ac Yeah. And my hair started to grow back on Tael Tael as well. Mm-hmm. So, yes. And. Two weeks before my last chemo session, like noticed that I wasn’t having any shedding and I was like ecstatic. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, it was probably three weeks after that I took a normal shower, like a warm hot shower and like just washed my hair. I was anxious the entire time cuz I just was like afraid that my hair was just gonna keep falling out. Yeah. I have like almost PTs d about my hair falling out. Mm-hmm. Now like I see it like in the bottom of the shower and us as humans lose a hundred, about a hundred strands of hair a day.

[00:46:31] Shauna: Mm-hmm. That’s naturally natural, naturally shedding, but I see it and I freaking panic. Yes. Blue dried my hair for the first time December, like right before, before I got my extensions. I like did it on the warm setting. Mm-hmm. It’s just, it’s cold in New York and I just can’t go out with wet hair if I wash my hair in the morning. Right. And it was kind of like a necessary thing and I was fine. I did, it was fine. So, um, You know, not everyone has the same results and everyone, some people still shed for months after I was lucky and I didn’t, and that’s kind of my, my cold cap update. Everyone’s 

[00:47:02] Rosalina: hair journey is different. As Shauna mentioned, I lost more hair than she did. I did have some bald spots, but my hair grew fast, super fast. I think within a month after chemo, like it just all grew. Because with taxi Ofir, you can get permanent hair loss from that chemo. That’s why it was really important for me to cold cap. Yes, I did lose a lot of hair, but what I was able to do is purchase this hair powder. It’s called toppings. It is magic. 

[00:47:37] Shauna: It is magic. The fibers actually like weirdly look, look like your hair. It fills it in. Perfect. 

[00:47:43] Rosalina: Yes. I even asked my best friend who is here, Brian, and they all said, no, it doesn’t even look like you lost any hair. So what I would do is a couple of things. I actually bought a Halo extension. Then I’ll put like a fedora hat on. And I would like braid the hair. So then it kind of looks like, you know, I did have hair purchase, a lot of headbands. Sometimes what I would do, the front hair pieces were a little curly. I would straighten it, but I would put it in a really, really low setting and I wouldn’t do it from the top. I would actually try to like do it from the bottom. 

[00:48:18] Shauna: I did that while capping too. Like after my wash days, yes, I would let it air dry. Yes. And then just, just so that it looked like. Tam. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. How is your scalp? My scalp is still so dry. My 

[00:48:30] Rosalina: scalp is really dry. Yeah. 

[00:48:32] Shauna: I’m still only washing once a week. It could just be that I am using like a little bit of dry shampoo still. Not that I need it much. Yeah. But sometimes I 

[00:48:41] Rosalina: do. The other part I wanted to mention, so I did purchase like wigs. After I was done with chemo and there was one wig that, you know, I kind of wore a few times, but I just, it was like synthetic wig. So you know, it’s not real human hair. I bought it off of Amazon for like, you know, 30 bucks. So it’s like really cheap wig. I would cut the front pieces so it actually like fits perfectly on my head. And then you could like YouTube that there was like so many tricks. A survivor 

[00:49:14] Shauna: to survivor. Oh yes. Does the wig. She does that. I remember watching her stories. It’s how she makes it look so natural. 

[00:49:22] Rosalina: Yeah, we actually tagged her in one of the IG accounts that we follow, so it’s on our ig, but she does a fantastic job with wigs. The only thing is, so I just, I didn’t really wanna experiment, you know, with like pink wigs, blue wigs, whatever. I just really wanted like my hair just dark brown hair. So I was trying to. Figure out like other wigs I can purchase that were a little bit more expensive. Mm-hmm. They were like, you know, $400 a piece and, uh, it got like super expensive. But when I actually got those wigs in the mail, it just did not look right.

[00:50:01] Rosalina: And I was just like, I had it with wigs. I was like, I can’t do this anymore. And it was a time when I was done with radiation, so I wanted to look normal when I went back. To New Jersey for Christmas and then when I was going to this combined bachelorette bachelor party into New Mexico, so I actually discovered this place called Hair with the cause, and I did a consultation. It was, it’s free. Essentially if you have one inch of hair, they’ll be able to add in extensions for you. She was like really booked up for the month of December, but I was so lucky to be able to get an appointment with her. It took two days. To do my hair. She would do the we extensions, and then for the bottom, or like the top pieces, she would add individual hair strands and then clip it with the metal.

[00:50:57] Rosalina: It takes forever, but let me tell you, after she was done, I just felt like myself. I was like, yes, this is what I wanted. I don’t wanna wear a wig. I just want to feel natural. I just wanted my life to be simple, just the way that it was before with my hair. A 

[00:51:17] Shauna: hundred percent. Yeah. Was it expensive? 

[00:51:19] Rosalina: Yes, they do a quote for you depending on how much hair you have. It was 4,500 for me. Wow. They wrote up a medical receipt for me and I’m going through the process of trying to get that reimbursed from my insurance. Hopefully it does, but yeah, it did cost a lot. Wow. If you actually go to her before starting chemotherapy, she can cut your hair for you and she can actually like place it in your hair after you’re done with chemo. So I wish I knew that. Um, 

[00:51:51] Shauna: in the beginning. Now, are you able to continue to use that hair over and over again? 

[00:51:56] Rosalina: Yes, that’s good. So how it works is I’m going to see her, I think like every three months within the year until the end of the year. So at the end of the year when my hair gets to my shoulders, I don’t have to see her anymore. She’ll actually create like, I think like maybe tape in extensions so I can use them to like apply to my hair. But yeah, I’ll see her every three months. So then she can remove and reinstall the hair. That does cost money. So it’s $150 per hour, maximum eight hours, depending on, you know, how time consuming it is to. Put the strands in 

[00:52:34] Shauna: your hair, right? Yeah. I had gotten a quote before I called my old roommate, same type of place that you went to, and they quoted me, it was like 1650 and the hair was like $800 alone. And I was kind of like, let me just even see if my old roommate would be like interested in doing. I mean, she gave me the deal of a level. Awesome. When it comes to my hair, but I’m just waiting to, I can get to that point on the side where I can get clip-ins where my hair is like covered and I don’t have to really worry about it. I’m the queen. I could put clip-ins in with my eyes closed. Yeah, perfect. So I’m, once I get to that point, I’m just gonna do that and see how it goes. But yeah, that’s been the hair situation. 

[00:53:14] Living a Double Life

[00:53:14] Shauna: Now that we have our podcast and we have our Instagram, do you feel like you are living a double life? Do you feel like you have essentially two identities? Like you have your normal. Life with your boyfriend and your job in, in LA and you know, just resumed your life, but then like now you’re a part of this other community that unless you have had breast cancer, you don’t really understand. I feel like I have two identities. I feel like I have my breast cancer life and, and my community there. And then my normal life, 

[00:53:50] Rosalina: I’ve already been living two separate lives my whole life being American and then being Latina now. Right. Being diagnosed with breast cancer, I feel like I have three identities or even four. The thing that sucks the most is so, you know, you have your close friends group that already knows that you went through this. I. And trying to make new friends. I put the breast cancer thought, even think about it, when I go and meet these people, I block it out. I block it from my mind cause I just wanna feel normal.

[00:54:29] Rosalina: But the other part of me just feels like I’m hiding something where I’m not being like my true authentic self. But again, not a lot of people want to hear about, oh, I had cancer, or like feeling guilty. Especially when you’re just meeting with them. There are one or two that do know I had cancer and they’ve been so great and supportive, but there’s a lot that don’t and it kind of sucks, you know, that I have to live a double life. The other thing that I also go through, and I’m not sure if you also feel this way too, but. When I am having fun, you know, going out, going to restaurants with friends or you know, like just having a great time. I feel so normal as if like I didn’t go through something traumatic, but once I leave and you know, go back home, right?

[00:55:29] Rosalina: That’s when the thought comes back of like, I have breast cancer or I had breast cancer, and now I have to go back home and realize that like what I just went through with hanging out with my friends. I felt normal for maybe like an hour, but now I have to live this life that is going to haunt me forever. I can’t really be. Normal or relate to a lot of these people who probably didn’t have these like health issues at a young age, and they could just go back home and just, you know, be carefree and not have so much of a, you know, worry about life when I do and I have to go back home and, and,  uh, think about that.

[00:56:19] Shauna: Right. You get to go out and escape. Yes. Escape exactly. And have a good time and, and, and put it on the back burner and then you come home and it’s time for reality hits again. Yes. I like my separate lives. Does that. Even sound weird. We have this podcast and I have this community and I feel like it’s mine. And I, like, I don’t share our podcast with people who I know. I don’t broadcast it on my personal page. Mm-hmm. I don’t, there’s a very handful of people that know I have it. They don’t even know it’s out. Mm-hmm. Um, we were, I think four episodes out on iTunes, and Matt was like, when does it come out? I’m like, oh, it’s out.

[00:56:59] Shauna: And he’s like, why didn’t you tell me? Like, we would’ve celebrated? And I was kind of like, I like that this is mine. Right. I like that I don’t have to feel self-conscious, like around the people that I know. You know, I, I just like, these are my thoughts and these are my feelings and this is my experience. Exactly. And I don’t have sugar coated because I know that people that I personally know are listening and I’m, I’m glad that this is mine. I’m glad that. I have women that I can talk to about this cuz you guys get it. You understand it. There’s nobody in my life outside of this. Mm-hmm. That gets it. Truly gets it.

[00:57:32] Shauna: And I love that. And I love that it’s separate and I love that it’s mine. And you know, as far as going out and meeting new people, like I, I nanny in New York and I had a play date that was scheduled for last week and with two other women. And I thought about it, I, it got canceled because the baby I watched got sick. But I thought about it like, what am I gonna tell them? Like, am I gonna tell them that I had this? Am I gonna tell them that? Wait, what am I gonna say? And I felt weird about it. I mean, thank God it got canceled and I didn’t have to think about it any further. I don’t know, I don’t know if I’m gonna be like super open right off the bat and I don’t want that also to become my identity.

[00:58:09] Shauna: Like, oh, that’s Shauna the nanny. She has breast cancer. She had breast cancer. I don’t, I don’t want that. I really don’t say, but this is the one thing that I do love. That, I’ve said this in season one. I have had people that I am not like super close with, you know, like people that I went to college with or, um, my ex-boyfriend years ago was in a band and his, one of his bandmates stated this girl, and they have not been together for years, but her and I still follow each other on Instagram and social media. And she messaged me and reached out. And people are, it’s so funny. I think men are not so like comfortable asking questions, but women that barely know me have no problem rattling off their questions to me. And I am such an open book about it that I’m fine answering it. Like I went to a dinner a couple weeks ago, my boyfriend went to college and with a group of people that they, I mean, they hang out all the time.

[00:59:02] Shauna: And I got to meet a couple of like new girlfriends and new wives that have like, come in and I got to sit at a table and we had like a really honest discussion about health and, and this one girl. Asked me like a lot of questions and I was like very open. And it was the first time me meeting two out of the three women and it was just like, I felt like I was at this like red table talk of just like honest. Mm-hmm. Like we all were just talking about like honest experiences. It was one of the weirdest like first encounters that I’ve ever had with some women that I’ve ever met before in my life. But I was honest about it. It was. It was so cool. Like I came home and I said, I really love that this was, I love that this honestly not how I expected this evening to go.

[00:59:44] Shauna: And I kind of loved it. I felt like it was no like generic, there was like generic getting to know each other, but it was just like some like real authentic life shit. And it was, but honestly I left and you know, I’m like now friendly with like two of these girls and it’s like nice. Like it’s kind of like all out on the table and now we can just chill I guess. I don’t know. Is it chill? Yes. Yeah. So you could be yourself. Exactly. And now, yeah, I like the double life right now and I love that it’s so separate. Yeah. Yeah. 

[01:00:14] 2021 Accomplishments

[01:00:14] Rosalina: Now that we are in 2022 and this is a new year, what are you most proud of accomplishing, you know, in 2021? Like what was your biggest 

[01:00:27] Shauna: accomplishment? I think just finishing treatment. Yeah. And like looking back on like what my body went through. Yes. And like I still came out. Okay. I mean, I am traumatized, don’t get me wrong. Yeah. I think it was New Year’s Day posted something on my personal page on Instagram of just, it was on, sorry, excuse me. It was on our, our podcast, uh, Instagram.

[01:00:51] Shauna: But when I literally wrote out everything and like, that wasn’t even at all. Like when you think of like, I mean, every doctor’s appointment, there’s always something or whatever, but just, I mean, two egg retrievals, two surgeries, 16 rounds of chemo, nine bazillion doctor’s appointments, 25 rounds of radiation, a port placement up, you know, taking the port out. Like, I mean, I just cannot believe that my body went through this. Mm-hmm. I’m in shock and I think that my, that’s my biggest like accomplishment is like I’m still here standing and I went through all that. 

[01:01:28] Rosalina: Yeah. Your body is healing. And I don’t know, for me, I just thought my body would be so weak that my body wouldn’t feel the same after treatment. And I feel fine. You know? I’m so proud of my body and everything that it went through. It’s just, yeah, I never thought my body could go through 

[01:01:49] Shauna: that. Yeah, I’m happy. I tolerated it better than I thought too. That’s like a huge accomplishment to me. Thought it was gonna be horrific. Like listening recently to our chemo episode and just like what I thought it was gonna be. And I just had such a different outlook on what chemo was gonna be like, you know, and what radiation was gonna be like to be completely honest. But, you know, I tolerated it well and I’m proud of myself for that. 

[01:02:12] Rosalina: I am proud of myself, you know, listening to my intuition, my gut. And seeking out second opinions. And the reason for that is because if I was still in Seattle, I was scheduled to do surgery, a lumpectomy with my other doctor in Seattle, and it just kind of felt really rushed. But at that time, like it didn’t because I just wanted the fucking tumor out. But now looking back, it was very rushed and I’m so glad that I took some time to seek other opinions from other doctors.

[01:02:52] Rosalina: Imagine I did that surgery back in Seattle. I would have to gone again because the tumor was close to my nipple. It would’ve been horrible. Yeah. I am also proud of myself for switching jobs and I. I’m in a better place now than I was with my previous job. My previous job was pretty toxic. I started a new job when I did radiation. I’m grateful that I didn’t have any major complications or infections where I had to be rushed to the ER or anything like that. That was like one of the things that I was so scared of that could happen, and I’m so glad that that didn’t happen to me. I’m so grateful. 

[01:03:43] Shauna: Yeah. For that. Yeah, definitely.

[01:03:46] Looking to the Future: 2022

[01:03:46] Shauna: 2022. What are we looking forward to? Like what are you just like, do you have plans? Are you, what are you focusing on? 

[01:03:56] Rosalina: I do have plans. Um, so, um, I don’t know. It is just, that’s just the Aquarius in me. I always have something. Um, I don’t let. I don’t know. It’s, it’s so weird. Um, I don’t let trauma or things that went bad in my life to like ruin what I want to do in life. So I mentioned this in season one, and I’m going to mention this again, but dancing is something that I am so passionate about. And when I realized that, you know, I have to take care of my health, I stopped dancing back in March and since then, like I kept telling myself I wanna go back. I need to go back to dance.

[01:04:47] Rosalina: I need to go back. And now that I’m out of treatment and everything like that, I’ve. Am going to dance classes like twice a week. I’m a part of this dance performing company now, like I’m doing things and, um, with this performing company, um, we’ll be able to be in a music video and it’s so great. Like, I, like this is all I wanted, like it’s so awesome and love to hear this. Yeah, I’m so ecstatic. The other thing I’m looking forward to is just finding myself again, you know, with this cancer diagnosis, I feel like it really, um, destroyed, you know, who I was before and, and I kind of just need to start finding her again. Learning to love myself. And just seeing my hair grow, that’s what I’m looking forward to as well.

[01:05:43] Rosalina: But how about you, Shawn? 

[01:05:45] Shauna: I want actually the most uneventful year of my life. Right? Yes. 

[01:05:50] Rosalina: I remember. You 

[01:05:52] Shauna: don’t surprises. I don’t want, I, I just really, I wanna like slide under the radar this year as like, fucking much as I can. I don’t know if it was like a New Year’s or solution or whatever, but, you know, chemo was really hard on my stomach. I am really trying to get my gut under control and that’s, that’s like definitely a really good goal for me of just eating better. I would like to lose a little bit of weight and just feel better in my body. Um, but it’s, it’s not, you know, I just wanna feel better and that is mm-hmm. That’s not because I, I mean, no.

[01:06:29] Shauna: Do I want my body to look. Banging. Hell yeah. Yeah. But I’m not like gonna, that’s not my number one focus. It’s just, I really just wanna feel better and yeah, that’s definitely a goal of mine. I do wanna travel. I wanna, I wanna fucking go to the beach. I really like, feel like I lost my whole summer. I lost my whole year. And I just wanna do things with the people that I love and have a good time doing it. And not, I, I, I wanna manage my stress well. I just want to, I just wanna be happy. And that’s really, really what it comes down to. Yeah. 

[01:07:00] Rosalina: I, I remember you mentioned to me that you felt like your summer last year just was like taken from you and you want this year to you, you wanna do things right this summer. Exactly. And I that you weren’t able to 

[01:07:12] Shauna: do last. I’m really looking forward to getting my implants. I, I, I’m, Uh, I’m ready for it. I’m ready to just mm-hmm. Kind of not close the book breast cancer cuz that’s never the case. But I wanna close the book on reconstruction. Like, just, I want that to be done and I want these to look nice. I, I’m looking forward to bimonthly appointments or, or, you know, quarterly appointments. I’m looking forward to that. Those are my goals for 2022, just to, uh, yeah, enjoy myself and to try not to have any more crazy happen. 

[01:07:46] Outro

[01:07:46] Shauna: You know, we are really looking forward to season two and putting that out and recording. And we also have been really loving getting your emails and your comments and your messages on Instagram, and please keep them coming. 

[01:08:02] Rosalina: It like makes our day. So whenever Shauna sees any of those comments or if I see them, I would text Shauna and be like, oh my gosh, look like this is so amazing and we’re so 

[01:08:15] Shauna: honored. I’ve cried. It’s just so nice to see the people are enjoying this and cuz we are enjoying it and we’re learning 

[01:08:22] Rosalina: too. Thank you all for listening and supporting our podcast. Sharing our stories with you has been incredibly healing for both of us. And we hope it helps other women in their journeys through breast cancer.

[01:08:35] Shauna: Ladies, if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends and fellow rusties, help us reach more women by subscribing and rating us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and now on YouTube. You can follow us on Instagram at t Y fts podcast and email us at t y fts podcast gmail.com. We love hearing from you guys, so shoot us a message. We will link any resources from the episode in our show notes.