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Hey, TYFTS listeners, it’s Rosalina and we are in the second to last episode of season

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two.

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Thank you for riding this journey with us and supporting our podcasts.

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We need your feedback.

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Please take five minutes every day to complete our end of season two survey.

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Your feedback is important and will allow us to improve future podcast episodes for

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our listeners like yourselves.

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Your survey link is bit.ly slash TYFTS survey.

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We’ll also include the survey link in our show notes.

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Thank you and enjoy the episode.

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Hi everyone.

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Welcome to season two.

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This is Shauna and this is Rosalina and we’re your hosts for Too Young for This Show podcast.

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This podcast is not just about boobs, but our journey with cancer.

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We are young millennials open about giving you our raw and unfiltered look into our lives.

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We are in no way medical professionals nor are we offering medical advice.

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Any medical references are cited directly from public websites or form our personal

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diagnosis.

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Some topics and stories may be triggering to those who are fighting, have fought or

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have loved someone with cancer.

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Hi everyone.

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This is Rosalina.

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And this is Shauna.

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Welcome back to the Too Young for This Shit podcast.

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I can’t believe it’s been six months since we finished radiation.

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Yeah, that is actually kind of wild.

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I didn’t even think about that.

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This past week was my six month mark.

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Yeah.

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Isn’t that crazy?

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It’s kind of crazy just like even just remembering how like burnt my skin was.

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Right.

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And like having to like slather my arms and aloe and calendula cream and aquaphor and

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I mean my caffeine.

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I mean just like the 90 creams that I had to like mix onto my skin and then like wrap

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myself up with six months ago.

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So now I’m just you know using like a regular moisturizer.

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Same.

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Yeah, it seems like last week.

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Right.

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But then now we’ve been waiting for this moment of our exchange surgery since we had to wait

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six months from radiation.

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So I think from the time that I got my expanders to the time I’ll have my implants is about

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15, 16 months and 16 months of like just waiting to close the door kind of on this chapter.

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I always had it in my head of being you know it was I needed to have my double mastectomy

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and then I ended up having an unexpected surgery and then having chemo and radiation and then

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like this is like the last check mark on the box of being not done.

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You’re never done with this chapter but just like finally complete like be completed is

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just like super exciting.

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Right.

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Let’s just give the listeners just a quick recap of what type of mastectomy surgery we

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had 14 to 15 months ago.

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Yeah.

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I had my double mastectomy March 2nd on 2021.

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I had expanders placed once they removed my breast tissue.

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They ended up taking more skin on my cancer side than they originally thought.

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I ended up having two different size expanders on my non cancer side.

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I had a 400 CC expand there and on my cancer side I had a 300 CC.

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I knew even before I had positive lymph nodes that I was going to have to like have expanders

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place because we need to stretch skin for an implant.

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I knew kind of from the jump that I wouldn’t have ever qualified for deep flap surgery

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and it seemed very like invasive to me at the time that I didn’t even consider it really.

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Once the positive lymph nodes for my double mastectomy came back that I had cancer in

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them I already was planned to do chemo but it added radiation onto my treatment plan

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which was a blow because I really wanted to have my reconstruction and just like be done.

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And obviously when you have radiation like a radio you know radiated skin most plastic

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surgeons won’t operate on you until after six months.

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They want your skin to heal because that side can be more difficult to place an implant.

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That added you know an extra six months on to my reconstruction plan which was you know

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a blow but you know it was what it was.

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And during that time when they placed the expander, it was under the muscle for you right?

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Yes it was funny and you know in my first initial plastic surgeon visit we didn’t even

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discuss like over the muscle under the muscle.

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It was just we’re gonna place expanders you’re gonna have to stretch your skin to get an

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implant in there and I didn’t even know to ask about you know whether it was gonna be

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over or under.

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And when I woke up I did ask they had to place the expanders under the muscle because my

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skin was too thin.

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They had to take so much especially like my right side which was the breast that had my

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tumor in it.

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So unfortunately it had to go under the muscle.

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It wasn’t until I think after I had already had them placed you know I started to really

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kind of consider if I would want to do over the muscle but my plastic surgeon just kind

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of told me it really wasn’t an option for me at this time.

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Wow.

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Yeah.

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What was your reconstruction plan?

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You obviously did a different surgery than I did.

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Yes so I had a single mastectomy.

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Both Shana and I had non nipple sparing so we didn’t have we had to remove our nipple.

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Right.

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So you said that from the beginning that wasn’t.

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I mean it was like I think maybe three weeks before my surgery where my breast surgeon

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basically said from looking at the imaging the tumor looks close to your nipple and I

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would advise to remove it.

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And so that’s when we decided let’s just do it.

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But yeah I mean about like three weeks before my actual surgery.

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So I had my surgery April 8th of 2021 and I was able to choose whether to do over the

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muscle or under the muscle.

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The one thing that my plastic surgeon did say because I had cancer on my skin that our

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surgeon had to remove that was her only concern as to okay we’ll plan to do over the muscle

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because that’s what you asked for but in the case that if the skin is like too tight and

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we’re not able to do it we’ll place it under the muscle.

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But luckily even removing that small piece of skin on top of my breasts we were still

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able to do over the muscle which is what I preferred.

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Before we get into our conversations and our plans pre-op with our plastic surgeons I first

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want to ask you Shana this question.

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Were you fully informed about all of your options?

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I wasn’t.

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I think I only really knew of two options and that was expanders which would then I

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would get an implant and then there was the deflap surgery.

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I didn’t know that there was like other different types of flap surgeries at the time.

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My initial visit with the plastic surgeon you know I did say like I would if I can maybe

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go up a size get that out of this entire experience like that’s like you know something I would

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like to do.

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I don’t want to be any smaller than I was.

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I would like to be bigger if I can.

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She heard me but then obviously when she had gone in to place the expanders and had to

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place a smaller expander I think that that kind of derailed the original plan that she

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had for me of maybe possibly being able to go up a size.

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I started getting fills about two weeks after my double mastectomy.

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That was my first fill and she had said that we were only going to do two fills and then

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we would stop because I would have to do chemo and radiation and then once I was finished

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with radiation we would resume the fills to stretch the skin even more.

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Once you know I was recovering from surgery and was like trying to figure out like what

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do I do now about these two different size expanders she said you know let’s get you

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through treatment and then we can always go back in and like replace the expander and

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give you a bigger expander.

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So in my head I think that that’s what I always thought was going to happen and during chemo

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I was filled evenly in both expanders but because I had one that was bigger than the other one

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looked fuller and one looked like kind of deflated.

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So I spent like the summer of 2021 into the fall of 2021 like just kind of with like two

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different size foods.

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I don’t know you know reconstructed foods.

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You know then I started radiation and I finished radiation November 31st 2021 and they had

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said you know give your skin like a good solid month to heal before you head back to the

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plastic surgeon.

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You can you know resume your fills as soon as like your skin heals a little bit better.

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So I think it was after the holidays.

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I think it was the first week of January I went like kind of basically like running into

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my plastic surgeons like office at that point and being like okay I’m done like let’s get

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the show on the road.

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You know I knew from the jump that I was going to have to wait six months before she would

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operate on me.

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So from there we just started to do the fills again.

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She over expanded my radiated side which was my 300 cc expander.

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She only filled that one time post radiation.

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So I was so lopsided, like my skin was like tight and like the expander was over expanded.

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So I had like one really rock hard breast that was basically like up into my chin and

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then I had like a saggy not expanded breast on the other side when we were going through

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the fills.

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You know I had said like do I need to have another surgery to have the same size expanders

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put in or get different expanders put in like how do we get this to work.

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And my plastic surgeon had said she could go in and basically extend the pocket in my

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radiated side.

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So basically make a bigger pocket to fit a 400 cc size implant in my radiated side or

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my other option was to do a flap from my back.

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Yep a lot like a LAT right.

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Yep yep yep and that would give us more skin to work with and I could do a bigger implant

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but she did say that I would need another drain and the second she said drain I was

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like we’re not going to mess it up.

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You know especially after you know after my second surgery for the lymph node removal

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like I had a drain again for that surgery and have plans coming up in June that I like

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can’t take more time off from work and I just was like let me just have her extend the pocket

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get two size but they just have like two of the same size breasts for now implants for

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now and then down the line if I want to have a revision we’ll go from there.

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That is my plan.

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Yeah have my plastic surgeon go in extend the pocket.

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When I had gone in for my pre-op it was at May 10th and we discussed like some options.

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So my plastic surgeon only works with Cientra implants which I was fine with.

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I originally thought it was going to be mentor.

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I don’t know if I just went in so like ready to like schedule surgery and whatever that

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I just heard everything wrong.

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I felt like I did that when I went in for the pre-op I felt like I was in a different

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doctor’s office.

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There were so many things that caught me off guard but I think because I just was so eager

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to like get it scheduled that I didn’t ask the right questions or I think I just I think

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I was just honestly just like too amped up that I just was like it’s going to be fine

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let me just schedule it and we’ll figure it out.

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Did you look up questions to ask online or did you just like go in to the doctor’s office

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and just ask your questions there when the conversations came up?

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When it came to like implant size projection I had done research on my own and then I’m

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in a breast reconstruction group on Facebook that’s been like kind of a godsend.

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It’s like people that are showing their results and like their CC sizes and their body frames.

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I was kind of getting like a picture of like what this might look like in my chest based

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off of other people’s results.

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Like I was looking for women that had expander sizes between 300 and 400 CC that you know

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in the same weight and height and like build as me and what their projection types were.

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Oh that’s really good information.

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Yes yeah you know and I went in and I asked and I kind of said like this is what we’re

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looking to do and you know kind of like a little bit about like my expander size and

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so that kind of gave me like a little bit of like a really good sense of like what I

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wanted them to look like and what I didn’t want them to look like.

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Yeah you showed them pictures right?

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Oh yeah I went in with all these pictures of these women like screenshot it on my phone

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like this is what I want this to look like.

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My plastic surgeon is a female she’s young she’s probably only a couple years older than

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I am and I think she kind of just like understood like from a from a female perspective of you

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know if this was me, how would I want my own breast to look.

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I think she just understands as far as what I what it is that I’m looking for.

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Another thing that we discussed which like I don’t know what I’m more excited for implants

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or this but I’m gonna have a scar revision they’re gonna fix the scar my port scar because

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when I got my port taken out in October of 2021 my body is a hard time dissolving sutures

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and I still had a stitch like that’s not dissolved from back in October and it just like has

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made my port scar like not heal correctly and it just looks like angry and ugly and

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I’m actually like more self-conscious about that scar than I am about like the lobe side

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of my breasts to be completely honest with you.

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Like it’s just up higher on your body.

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Absolutely so that was another thing we discussed that she’s gonna do during my exchange surgery.

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Did you not feel like you were educated enough or she didn’t educate you on all of your options?

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I think I kind of went into it being like I trust her you know so I trust her to give

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me all of the reconstruction options that are gonna work for me.

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I don’t think that she realized how much was gonna have to be taken from the side that

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I had massive.

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It wasn’t until she got in there that she realized the situation because it was bigger

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than it showed up on in MRI.

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The tumor itself.

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Yes they measured it at five centimeters and it was really six you know maybe she had the

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correct information like from the jump I think she would have presented me those options

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and I knew I think from the beginning that I wanted implants.

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I wanted like an easy simple especially after hearing like how extensive like the deep flap

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surgery is and recovery and like how long it takes and the like it’s just I didn’t especially

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and you’re going through like a whirlwind especially in the beginning of making all

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these really big decisions on your surgeries and treatment plans and doctors and you know

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and then you’re like your initial shock and like in your your own emotions and it’s just

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like it’s a lot it’s a lot to process all in the beginning and I think adding the surgery

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like that on top of like what like I couldn’t wrap my head around doing something like that.

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Absolutely I 100% agree because the other thing that my plastic surgeon mentioned to

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me is that once you do for example a deep flap you can’t do it again like that’s one

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time only but you can do that type of surgery so that’s something to really consider as

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well.

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My surgery is May 31st so the day after Memorial Day and I’m actually really like looking forward

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to it I feel like just like ready and like excited for it.

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I know you’re so pumped.

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I am I don’t know why I’m this person.

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There’s no shame like there’s so many women out there that are so pumped for the reconstruction

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I feel like it just gives them life it gives them some sort of normalcy I think in the

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sense that like after you complete that surgery then there’s nothing else really like pending

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for a while I guess.

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Disclosure for me.

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Exactly.

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You had like a totally different experience from me because you didn’t do a double.

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You did a single so your reconstruction options are different.

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Did you know that you wanted to do a single from the jump?

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Like did you know because I walked in being like I don’t even want to talk about when

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we do a single.

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Yeah I thought if doing a double was unnecessary then I would rather just do a single mastectomy.

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That’s just what I like initially what I was thinking of because you know if there was

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any cancer in the second breast in the beginning of my journey from what I was hearing that

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like having cancer in the second breast is low risk like you’re at a higher risk of having

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a recurrence in the same breast than you know in the opposite breast.

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So that’s why I chose the route to do a single mastectomy.

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Once I met with my breast surgeon just for a follow up after radiation so it was like

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a month after my mammogram we had the conversation that for example I’m 29 now but she just used

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the example as if like when I’m 30 the risk of getting secondary cancer on the other side

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of the breast is 4% right now.

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When I’m 80, the risk could be high as 20% and so when I heard that information I freaked

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out for sure.

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I freaked out because in the beginning of my journey that there wouldn’t be much of

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like a high risk.

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The mentality and the way that I’m thinking about things now is that like well in the

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future I need to do something about it if I want to prevent a secondary cancer from

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happening.

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That was some news for me and during my journey with my plastic surgeon and all the appointments

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and meeting her I think I met with my plastic surgeon like five or six times to be honest

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just so the listeners know my surgery is on Monday June 6th but kind of going back to

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why I met with my plastic surgeon like five or six times.

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So just like Shana in my first appointment with Dr. Slack my plastic surgeon who also

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did my tissue expander I trusted her and I thought every information that she was telling

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me she was choosing the right reconstruction plan for me.

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My first meeting with my plastic surgeon we talked about the different flap surgeries.

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We talked about PAP, TUG which is fat from tissue I should say from your thighs.

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We also talked about LAP flap as well.

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That was the route that she wanted to take because once your breast is radiated there

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is a higher risk like a 60% risk from what she told me to have capsular contracture.

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That could happen at any moment within the 10 years that I have an implant and that could

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also happen when you have a tissue expander as well.

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So any foreign object a capsular contracture could happen.

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So she really wanted to go towards the flap route because it removes that risk and you

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no I don’t have to have multiple surgeries within my lifetime right but as what Shana

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was mentioning I didn’t want to go for that route.

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I think it was just an invasive surgery.

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I didn’t want any additional scars.

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I wanted to choose implants because it was less invasive in my opinion and also the recovery

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period is much smoother I think and quicker than just having a flap surgery.

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Yeah so basically we talked about that.

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We talked about saline versus silicone.

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So I was leaning more towards saline because I wanted to be careful of any rupture that

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happens inside my body and it’s easier to detect because once saline ruptures it leaks

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out from the shell and it just absorbs in your body so you can easily tell when you

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don’t have a boob anymore on that side versus like a silicone.

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You’re deflated.

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Yeah exactly you’re deflated right but with the silicone you know it’s difficult to detect

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but with the FDA they recommend you know every patient who has an implant in their body whether

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it’s breast reconstruction or breast augmentation recommended to do an MRI or an ultrasound actually

296

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to check any leakage and I think it’s like three years after having the implant placed.

297

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When we talked about saline she did not recommend going that route because the rippling and

298

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she was more focused on the aesthetics.

299

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We would have to do fat grafting just to inject more fat.

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Injecting that into my breast so it could form a thicker skin.

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Fill in the ripples.

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We also talked about the type of implant so I was asking her like I was leaning more towards

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saline but even if I chose saline or silicone like what type of implant were you recommending

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in terms of shape and so she was recommending the round shape.

305

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In terms of like my body shape it just wouldn’t project it so much where the teardrop shape

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had like more volume and more projection and I didn’t want that.

307

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I wanted something more natural fitting for me.

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She was also letting me know about the five different sizes of projection so there’s low,

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low plus, moderate, full and extra full so that was really nice I think for her to mention

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that because then she was giving me the option of if you’re not happy with how your expander

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looks right now we could you know project it more just give it more shape.

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I didn’t want it to be like so huge you know I loved the way that my breasts looked before

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cancer and I wanted to keep it that way so I basically was just saying can you just mimic

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the right side because like you know I that’s the healthy side and you can just match it

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to that same exact way.

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Right you want to get back to that.

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Yeah exactly.

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We’ve also talked about symmetry.

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Now you know I had a single mastectomy and so with an implant it’s harder to get the

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reconstructive side to match the other side of the breast but with the flap it’s easier

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for her to match the symmetry.

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However because I did not again wanted to do flap she was recommending for me to do

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a breast augmentation on the right side so adding in a small implant on the right side

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and at first you know I said okay that’s fine whatever I just want to do one surgery and

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that’s it but because in the beginning of what I mentioned that when I when I met with

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Dr. Baker so I met with Dr. Baker after meeting Dr. Slack in the beginning of this year she

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was telling me about the secondary cancer I just said okay now I’m kind of confused.

328

00:24:56,920 –> 00:25:02,320

I really did reconsider you know removing the breast tissue on the right side and even

329

00:25:02,320 –> 00:25:08,600

my boyfriend after I told him about the secondary cancer he was pretty concerned and he was

330

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basically just telling me like like your left breast tried to kill you.

331

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Don’t you want to remove that risk at all cost and we kind of determined you know for

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00:25:21,080 –> 00:25:31,000

me I have an attachment to my right breast and I know like facts versus emotions like

333

00:25:31,000 –> 00:25:37,720

I shouldn’t compare both of them but you know this is my life and this is my choice and

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for right now I don’t want to remove the right breast I feel like I went through so much

335

00:25:47,200 –> 00:25:54,440

dramatically that if I were to remove the right breast I feel maybe like out of place

336

00:25:54,440 –> 00:25:58,160

I’m just not mentally prepared to do that.

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00:25:58,160 –> 00:26:01,880

Honestly like that’s your sense of control in a situation like you know we didn’t have

338

00:26:01,880 –> 00:26:10,560

control over having cancer at 28 and 32 like you just went through having to reconstruct

339

00:26:10,560 –> 00:26:16,400

your left side and like knowing what that entailed basically going over and restarting

340

00:26:16,400 –> 00:26:21,880

that all over again on your right side just sounds like that’s not something I would want

341

00:26:21,880 –> 00:26:29,120

to either you know like I like you know coming from like a like a mental standpoint of like

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00:26:29,120 –> 00:26:30,120

we’re starting over.

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00:26:30,120 –> 00:26:35,640

Oh yeah absolutely I don’t know if I’d want to do that either and I think part of me is

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why I went the route that I did because I just was like I just knew I just like know

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00:26:40,560 –> 00:26:44,880

myself and I just know after going through it all it would be like traumatizing to do

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00:26:44,880 –> 00:26:45,880

the other side.

347

00:26:45,880 –> 00:26:46,880

Yep.

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00:26:46,880 –> 00:26:47,880

Yeah.

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00:26:47,880 –> 00:26:53,760

The other thing you know I think about the future a lot and you know I was talking to

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00:26:53,760 –> 00:27:00,600

my plastic surgeon and we were having a conversation of like you know in the future like five or

351

00:27:00,600 –> 00:27:08,240

ten years from now like if I decide to do a flap surgery then that could be the opportunity

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00:27:08,240 –> 00:27:16,160

that I do it for both sides of my breasts you know as I mentioned before you can only

353

00:27:16,160 –> 00:27:23,480

do flap surgery once so I’d rather do it at the time that I could reconstruct both breasts

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00:27:23,480 –> 00:27:25,400

if I decide to do that.

355

00:27:25,400 –> 00:27:26,400

Absolutely.

356

00:27:26,400 –> 00:27:27,400

Yeah.

357

00:27:27,400 –> 00:27:34,000

I mean you know as I mentioned like I met with my plastic surgeon like five or six times

358

00:27:34,000 –> 00:27:40,040

and this happened to me in the beginning of my journey too with the tissue expander.

359

00:27:40,040 –> 00:27:47,000

I sometimes have to like hear the information over and over again and especially with like

360

00:27:47,000 –> 00:27:57,840

new terminologies also making sure that I’m okay with what she’s suggesting as well.

361

00:27:57,840 –> 00:28:04,480

After meeting with Dr. Baker that’s when like all hell broke loose essentially and I had

362

00:28:04,480 –> 00:28:10,200

like a really hard time like not really trusting her because that wasn’t the case but like

363

00:28:10,200 –> 00:28:16,520

I needed to trust myself that I knew exactly what was going on I knew exactly what surgery

364

00:28:16,520 –> 00:28:24,200

we’re going to do I knew exactly like every option that I had like I even I was asking

365

00:28:24,200 –> 00:28:30,880

her about like a hybrid reconstruction which is basically like you do half flap and half

366

00:28:30,880 –> 00:28:37,400

implant and I was like okay well you didn’t tell me about this so can you do this you

367

00:28:37,400 –> 00:28:38,400

know.

368

00:28:38,400 –> 00:28:39,400

Yeah I didn’t know that was a thing.

369

00:28:39,400 –> 00:28:42,080

Yeah I read it online totally read it online.

370

00:28:42,080 –> 00:28:48,480

My plastic surgeon is essentially giving me the information that she thinks would be best

371

00:28:48,480 –> 00:28:59,200

aesthetically for me but I needed to know that it would be okay health wise for me in

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the next 10 years.

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00:29:00,720 –> 00:29:07,920

When she first mentioned oh I’m going to use allergen implants and she gave me the pamphlet

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00:29:07,920 –> 00:29:14,280

that I needed to sign and I needed to read and I needed to know all my risk.

375

00:29:14,280 –> 00:29:20,480

One of the things that were on there was that the implants are manufactured contain heavy

376

00:29:20,480 –> 00:29:28,160

metals like some of the implants contain heavy metals because of that I freaked out and I

377

00:29:28,160 –> 00:29:30,960

did extensive research.

378

00:29:30,960 –> 00:29:39,080

I looked into every manufacturer’s website their brochures I read their like scientific

379

00:29:39,080 –> 00:29:45,200

fine print I looked at their graphs I looked at their table that mentioned the heavy metals

380

00:29:45,200 –> 00:29:49,640

I even asked my naturopathic doctor is this safe.

381

00:29:49,640 –> 00:29:56,920

Essentially I chose Cientra the implant and I just really loved their brochures I felt

382

00:29:56,920 –> 00:30:04,880

like more informative and I felt that they were showcasing more information than per

383

00:30:04,880 –> 00:30:06,960

se mentor or allergen.

384

00:30:06,960 –> 00:30:14,200

I felt like for those two sites I had to like really surf the web to get more information

385

00:30:14,200 –> 00:30:17,240

that I got from Cientra.

386

00:30:17,240 –> 00:30:23,680

The other thing that you know I read and maybe this is for like breast augmentation because

387

00:30:23,680 –> 00:30:30,720

they don’t really say what they got their numbers from or like who but basically from

388

00:30:30,720 –> 00:30:37,280

what I read online is that their implants showcase that they had low percentage of capsular

389

00:30:37,280 –> 00:30:44,360

contracture low percentage of rupture rate supposedly mentor has the highest.

390

00:30:44,360 –> 00:30:54,800

The other thing Cientra basically only provides their implants to certified board plastic

391

00:30:54,800 –> 00:30:56,680

surgeons.

392

00:30:56,680 –> 00:31:02,340

So how are you how are you feeling now leading up to your surgery?

393

00:31:02,340 –> 00:31:11,360

Over the past I would say like three weeks I was definitely overwhelmed distressed I

394

00:31:11,360 –> 00:31:18,540

I think I kind of got a little depressed and I was like crying like most of the time.

395

00:31:18,540 –> 00:31:24,560

It wasn’t until like yesterday that I stopped crying just wanted to make sure that you know

396

00:31:24,560 –> 00:31:32,680

that I chose something that would benefit me and it wouldn’t cause like complications

397

00:31:32,680 –> 00:31:39,040

for my body and there’s just so many factors that need to like consider.

398

00:31:39,040 –> 00:31:45,120

For you Shana like I’m so happy that this is like closure for you for sure I just for

399

00:31:45,120 –> 00:31:51,040

me it doesn’t feel like closure because breast implants is not a lifetime device.

400

00:31:51,040 –> 00:31:58,800

For me I am worried about the potential risk the potential complications you know now in

401

00:31:58,800 –> 00:32:04,680

the back of my mind I have to think about you know, potentially removing the right breast.

402

00:32:04,680 –> 00:32:11,600

The other thing actually from my fertility genetic testing they found that I tested positive

403

00:32:11,600 –> 00:32:18,440

for factor V liadone I think it’s called which increases the chance of clumps of blood

404

00:32:18,440 –> 00:32:25,680

clocks and that’s hereditary and that could either come from my father or mother but that’s

405

00:32:25,680 –> 00:32:31,800

something that they found out after I had my mastectomy surgery which thanks fucking

406

00:32:31,800 –> 00:32:36,960

god I didn’t have complications but now that’s in the back of my mind as well that you know

407

00:32:36,960 –> 00:32:42,760

I have this like gene that no one knew about until I actually had the test so you know

408

00:32:42,760 –> 00:32:47,880

that’s another thing that I that I get worried about but just to answer your question I think

409

00:32:47,880 –> 00:32:51,400

I feel more mentally prepared.

410

00:32:51,400 –> 00:32:55,800

I mean I had to weigh all the same things like is this safe to put my body is this safe

411

00:32:55,800 –> 00:33:02,920

long term and it’s my making the right choice and like leading up to my surgery like I’m

412

00:33:02,920 –> 00:33:07,920

ready for this let’s do this type of mindset where normally I’m like thinking I think right

413

00:33:07,920 –> 00:33:13,120

steps ahead like I’m like this could happen this could happen and to mentally prepare

414

00:33:13,120 –> 00:33:16,960

myself for everything that could possibly ever go wrong that’s who I am as a person

415

00:33:16,960 –> 00:33:22,360

I’ve been like this pain and in this situation I’m not navigating life post cancer and just

416

00:33:22,360 –> 00:33:29,720

like me really being so conscious of keeping my stress levels down it’s like important

417

00:33:29,720 –> 00:33:36,160

for me to like I’m really I’m doing this in therapy of just trying to really like listen

418

00:33:36,160 –> 00:33:42,040

if and when the time comes we’ll cross that bridge but for right now I can’t drive myself

419

00:33:42,040 –> 00:33:47,680

insane thinking of like what if you know my dad got it really in my head like it’s like

420

00:33:47,680 –> 00:33:51,640

oh you know what I had to kind of said to my dad’s very anxious and I had said to him

421

00:33:51,640 –> 00:33:57,720

like you know they’re gonna go in and they’re gonna see like inside of like you know the

422

00:33:57,720 –> 00:34:02,480

pockets like if there’s anything that they see that biopsied immediately like to kind

423

00:34:02,480 –> 00:34:06,840

of make him feel like a little bit better and like my dad like kind of like he got like

424

00:34:06,840 –> 00:34:10,520

really weird about it and then like started asking all these questions and I was just

425

00:34:10,520 –> 00:34:17,480

like not I don’t think I was giving him this like concerned reaction that he was expecting

426

00:34:17,480 –> 00:34:22,680

could possibly be something like and you don’t seem concerned and it’s it’s not that it’s

427

00:34:22,680 –> 00:34:29,240

just the stress levels that I’m trying to control in my body right now kind of being

428

00:34:29,240 –> 00:34:34,560

in remission or you know never having no evidence of disease like I don’t want this to come

429

00:34:34,560 –> 00:34:39,480

back so I always am just trying to like especially now and this is not like me I’m that person

430

00:34:39,480 –> 00:34:44,000

that’s just always freaking out about like what if this what if that I mean like there’s

431

00:34:44,000 –> 00:34:48,680

complications to everything like I had to kind of say that to my dad is like I get in

432

00:34:48,680 –> 00:34:53,200

a car every day or you get into you know or like I walk on the streets in New York I can

433

00:34:53,200 –> 00:34:58,680

get by a car at any moment like anything could possibly happen at any given second I cannot

434

00:34:58,680 –> 00:35:04,760

sit here and obsess and like think of everything that could possibly happen and I know like

435

00:35:04,760 –> 00:35:09,800

the best thing I can do is like be educated and be like these are the the risks and like

436

00:35:09,800 –> 00:35:13,640

this is everything I can do to like hopefully prevent this from happening and stay on top

437

00:35:13,640 –> 00:35:20,320

of this and and just like really kind of kind of I need to like I think for myself just

438

00:35:20,320 –> 00:35:25,680

need to like move forward in a place where I just I need to yeah I think stress is what

439

00:35:25,680 –> 00:35:34,080

got me to this point and now I need to try to like dial it I’m proud of you I mean this

440

00:35:34,080 –> 00:35:38,840

I like I said I said to my therapist like this is not who I am as a person so like for

441

00:35:38,840 –> 00:35:44,240

me she’s trying to get me yeah to be to like think you know think like a little bit and

442

00:35:44,240 –> 00:35:48,200

I and it that’s thing it’s like is it isn’t me I don’t want to say it’s not a care it

443

00:35:48,200 –> 00:35:51,740

doesn’t come from like a care of this place of like I get like oh I’m like just like so

444

00:35:51,740 –> 00:35:55,040

pumped to get my implants that like I’m not even thinking of like anything else.

445

00:35:55,040 –> 00:36:00,600

The two I think almost losing my extender to that infection that was so out of my control

446

00:36:00,600 –> 00:36:06,640

and I just like that was such a stressor and I think just like now that my hormones are

447

00:36:06,640 –> 00:36:11,920

kind of coming back as I’m off all the hormone meds and things right now like I just I need

448

00:36:11,920 –> 00:36:16,840

to be like a little bit extra cautious about keeping those levels under control so like

449

00:36:16,840 –> 00:36:22,720

this entire experience is just like they’re not like minor decisions every every little

450

00:36:22,720 –> 00:36:31,400

decision to me worrying and me being I know psychotic I say with all this information

451

00:36:31,400 –> 00:36:38,080

that tried to be in control I didn’t I don’t want to deter anyone from you know getting

452

00:36:38,080 –> 00:36:43,400

the reconstruction because it should be a happy moment right like what we mentioned

453

00:36:43,400 –> 00:36:51,720

the beginning it’s closure you should be a static I think what really had me concerned

454

00:36:51,720 –> 00:37:00,400

was just do I have all the information that was given to me my fear was being blindsided

455

00:37:00,400 –> 00:37:04,040

I didn’t want that to happen.

456

00:37:04,040 –> 00:37:14,240

We are gonna keep you guys posted on our surgeries and how we feel about our results and navigating

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00:37:14,240 –> 00:37:19,280

all like the surgery post surgery appointments and things like that.

458

00:37:19,280 –> 00:37:23,600

Thank you all for listening and supporting our podcast.

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00:37:23,600 –> 00:37:28,800

Sharing our stories with you has been incredibly healing for both of us and we hope it helps

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00:37:28,800 –> 00:37:31,840

other women in their journeys through breast cancer.

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00:37:31,840 –> 00:37:36,680

Ladies if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends and fellow breasties.

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00:37:36,680 –> 00:37:41,560

Help us reach more women by subscribing and rating us on Apple podcast, Spotify and now

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00:37:41,560 –> 00:37:42,560

on YouTube.

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00:37:42,560 –> 00:37:50,700

You can follow us on Instagram at tyftspodcast and email us at tyftspodcast at gmail.com.

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00:37:50,700 –> 00:37:53,200

We love hearing from you guys so shoot us a message.

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00:37:53,200 –> 00:37:59,240

We will link any resources from the episode in our show notes.